Public Sharing: Why Parenting Styles Matter when Raising Children?

The founder of Azon and consulting psychologist, Ms. Lee Li Li shared about "Why Parenting Styles Matter when Raising Children" on StreamYard invited by Ms. Wee Ying Shin and Ms. Chong Sze Ying, on 25th July 2020 (Saturday), 8:00 pm.

Parenting styles play a vital role in a child's development. It is also a hot topic among parents as parents figure out which parenting style is the best to raise a child. Rules and Expectations:
High expectations set by parents. Parents tend to be very strict in guiding the children.

Communication:
One-way communication (i.e. children have to obey completely on the parents' instructions or orders).

Effect on the Children:
Results in low self-esteem and low self-competency in the children. They may appear to be more inferior than their peers. The reason being, the child is fearful to try something new because there is no instruction given.

Rules and Expectations:
Low expectations by parents. The rules are usually set by the children. Parents tend to be loose in guiding the children.

Communication:
Two-way communication. However, the children's opinions tend to have more weight than the parents'.

Effect on the Children:
Result in low social competence as their sense of achievement are based on self-determined rules and expectations. Hence, their self-confidence and self-esteem are also affected.

Rules and Expectations:
No rules nor expectations set by parents; even if there are any rules, it is usually not followed through.

Communication:
No or very little communication, in which parents tend to be too busy with their work. Children tend to be ignored by the parents.

Effect on the Children:
The negligence of the parents results in low self-confidence and low self-esteem.

Rules and Expectations:
Both parents and children come to consensus on the rules and expectations.

Communication:
Two-way communication; both parents and children have a mutual understanding.

Effect on the Children:
Result in high self-esteem and self-confidence because children's voice is being heard. Higher competency, better creativity, and problem-solving skills because children's ideas and opinions are being utilised.

There is a myth whereby practising the authoritative parenting style by both parents will determine a positive attitude in children. However, this myth is far from the truth as the consistent decision made by both parents (whether it is the same or different parenting styles) is the main factor that determines the children's attitude.

For example, when the Authoritative Mother has decided that the child cannot buy toys with a clear explanation of that decision such as having too many toys at home, it is important that the Permissive Father made the same and consistent decision to not buy toys also. Similarly, other authorities, such as grandparents, ought to make the same decision to not buy toys for the child, such as diverting the attention to play other available toys at home. The consistent decision to not buy toys between the parents and grandparents, whether if they practise the same parenting styles, will guide the child to learn that he/she is not allowed to buy toys.

Parenting styles tend to be determined by the child's behaviour. For example, a child that requires special attention or have special needs may need the expertise from the psychologist and/or therapist to understand the need of the child. Firm and consistent decision of the parents to produce an expected outcome is vital for the child's growth and development. There are other factors that may affect the child's self-confidence and self-esteem, such as the teaching styles of the teacher, peers, culture, etc.

There is no best parenting style but an appropriate parenting style. Parents have been through multiple events throughout the entire child's life. Certain events and situations will require different parenting styles to allow the child to grow differently based on the outcome. Parents may practise different parenting styles for different events and outcomes in the children's life.

There is also an arising of different parenting styles, such as the free-range parenting style and the helicopter parenting style.

Parents usually practise authoritative parenting style in their daily living, such as homework, where the parents set clear rules and expectations; but such parents may also make a conscious decision to allow the children to set the rules and expectations for other events, such as camp, to develop independence in the children. This allows the children to experience the outcome of the decisions that the children made.

For example, the child who forgot to bring enough clothes during the camp preparation may experience shame due to the lack of clean clothes to change. Hence, the child may remember better to bring enough clothes to avoid similar situations.

Parents overly protect the children, in which parents tend to be overly involved in the children's life. Such parents may practice two-way communication, but they tend to overly explain the consequence or outcome of the decision.

One parenting style does not fit all events. It is not necessary to practise one parenting style as different parenting styles may be practise for different events. It is not the parenting style, but the events and the consistent decision of the parents determine the children's growth and development.

Note: The above content is adopted from the Facebook live with Ms. Wee Ying Shin titled “Why Parenting Styles Matter when Raising Children?” on 25th of July 2020 (Saturday). For more information, please kindly contact our office. It is our pleasure to request our consulting psychologist to assist you. Thank you.